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My first crackhead
So I saw my first crackhead today. It's not so surprising, considering my neighborhood is "changing," i.e., white kids who grew up in the suburbs are moving here. Still, while I still feel safe (OK, as safe as anywhere else in D.C., east of Rock Creek Park and north of Anicostia) it still took me by surprise. Christ, I think I've got problems? I got nothing.

Around 11 p.m. I was standing in a chinese carryout place, the kind with thick bulletproof glass across its counter. Tonight, like most nights, the large sliding panel is open. I go to this place because it's between the metro and my house, and pretty good for a Chinese carryout. I'm coming home so I didn't call ahead, and after ordering my Kung Pao Shrimp I'm standing there waiting with a one other guy. This woman comes up to my left and asks, in a pleading voice, if I've got a dollar bill for four quarters. I say sure, and then turn and look, and shit, oh my god this woman looks bad. She's got ragged, ragged clothes, and she's scrawny and hunched over and wobbling like she can't keep her balance.

All that could be any number of things, but I know she's a crackhead because of, fittingly, Chapelle's Show: Her lips are a disgusting, chalky flaky white. It's like they are chapped 10 times over. I can't even look at her, it's so disgusting. I don't want to take this money that she's been holding, obviously that she's been panhandling for, it's too disgusting that she's even holding it. So I say no, I can't help you. I look at the change and think, why does she need dollar bills? and then shit, crack dealers probably don't take change.

It only takes her pleading with me twice to force me to acknowledge that 1) she's a panhandler 2) if you give panhandlers any kind of positive response, they will not leave you alone. So not wanting to take her money, I do the only logical thing, which is to just give her a dollar. It works in that she leaves me alone, but she then asks the other guy in the store, and then goes up to the counter and tries to get the attention of one of the Chinese employees. Who ignore her until she leaves.

Perhaps "My First Crackhead" implies that this was fun or funny, but this was only disgusting and sad. So thinking about Tyrone Biggems (sp?), I think I see the sketches in a different, much darker light. And more ironic, such as the sketch where he goes to an elementary school. I can't imagine anything that would make crack seem more repulsive.

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